Grief is weird.

BY LILY HOVIL

As a young person who has experienced grief I thought I would share how I felt and hope my experiences could help someone else. There are many different types of grief and no right way to react or handle the pain of loss. Everyone is different. Losing someone close to you unexpectedly is horrific that cannot be denied, if someone has an illness and is expected to pass away it won’t make the pain any more bearable. I am not trying to advise anyone how to grieve because there is no correct way, everything you are doing is natural. There is no telling how you will feel until it happens, you can never anticipate the way you will react.  There is no time frame, you are not expected to stop grieving at a certain point or grieve as soon as they have passed. You may find yourself feeling completely numb I know that is how I felt. I couldn’t feel a thing, and nothing would make me feel the pain I wanted to feel for my friend. Loss is not something you can ever be prepared for and my biggest piece of advice which I know helped me somewhat was surrounding yourself with people that either know the pain you are experiencing or people that love and know you. It is normal to want to be alone and resent people for not feeling what you are and being alone is good sometimes but the people that love you want to support you. This can be hard to see at times, especially when the grief is all consuming. I found I couldn’t think about anything else, like my whole brain was filled with confusion. Not everyone will understand the pain you are feeling and it is always important to remain empathetic to those who are lost in the hysteria after a death and are behaving oddly. You cannot explain your actions so do not expect to understand anybody else’s. Grief is weird, it’ll never go away and whoever you have lost will always be part of you, the memories will fade but they won’t disappear. This will sound bizarre but speaking to dead loved ones aloud is something that I know has really helped me, gathering your thoughts and being able to speak directly to who you’re missing is a healthy way of expressing your pain. There are other cathartic forms of release like writing songs, letters, dancing, singing anything that works for you. Find something that makes you feel again and remember whoever you have lost is always with you. It is OK to want to be by yourself but sometimes reaching out can change everything. I have made incredible friends that I will be connected to forever, grieving is an unexplainable, unpredictable process that unfortunately we all must go through in life. Speaking honestly and openly about how you feel can really help reassure you that you are not alone. Do not ever think you aren’t allowed to grieve anymore or that you should be better a year later etc. Death changes you and how you see the world but my biggest piece of advice would be to always remember that the world has a lot of good and beautiful things in it too. 

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